Wednesday, January 15, 2014

This Librarian Has Moxie and Epoxy

This Librarian Has Moxie—and Epoxy, and a glue gun, a nail gun, a hammer, wrenches in various sundry sizes, pliers—snub nose and needle nose---ha ha! This librarian knows the difference  and other  motley  tool thingies and doo dads to fix “stuff”


I bet you know the feeling: book shelf broken. You call your custodian who assures you he will fix it. It stays broken. After repeatedly reminding the custodian, you move the shelf out of the way off to a corner somewhere. It stays broken. You wait. It waits.


A chair breaks. You pick up the pieces and move it off to a corner somewhere. You notify your custodian. It stays broken. You wait. It waits.


Upholstery comes loose on a couch. You ask if the custodian can tack it back up or nail it. He assures you he will do so. It stays loose. It gets worse. Now the entire bottom of the couch is on the floor under the couch. You wait. It waits.


A wheel comes off a rolling cart that holds rolls of butcher paper. The bolt which attached the wheel to the cart is nowhere to be found, having magically vanished off the face of the earth. You contact the custodian. He assures you he has a bolt that will fit. He assures you the wheel will be attached. The next day, the wheel is attached, but there is no bolt. Every time the cart is moved, the wheel comes off.


How hard can it be to attach a bolt, fix a rocking chair, put up a book shelf and re-attach the lining of a couch? The librarian wonders. “I will wait no more!” she declares valiantly.

Enough! The librarian thinks, “I have a Master’s degree after all. Surely, I can use simple tools and repair these things myself.”


Well, this librarian had had enough, so she grabs the wheel off the rolling cart and gets in her trusty truck and drives over to Ace Hardware where she vows  to get everything she needs to repair “stuff.”


The hardware  store manager beamed from ear to ear. He showed me hundreds of bolts.


“No,” I say. “I only need the one that fixes this wheel.”  I brandish the pesky wheel.


“Well,” he says,  carefully examining it as if it were the Holy Grail and shaking his head, “This shaft has suffered extreme damage. You’re going to need more than just a bolt”


He goes on to say how I will need a super-duper bolt with an extra special fancy  washer and I’ll have to get channel locks and big, brawny men to attach the wheel—they will need super muscle strength that I obviously don’t have. 


“No, I say. “It’s for a simple cart. I don’t need it to last until eternity.”


He demonstrates how to attach a bolt. Sheesh, is he even serious?


I assure him that I am a librarian and perfectly capable of using simple tools. He asks if I have a wrench. I assure him that I have both standard and metric wrenches. Ah, a newfound bond is formed. I am speaking his language now.


This guy is seriously overdoing a simple fix.  45 cents buys a simple bolt and this librarian is now  armed and dangerous.


I attacked the garage at home, grabbing the nail gun, wood glue, various nails, a hammer, a couple of wrenches and a roll of duck tape for good measure. You can use it for anything, right?


The next morning, after a couple hours of tacking, nailing, hammering and hot glue-ing , the library is a happy place again.  


This librarian has learned her lesson: why wait for big, brawny men sporting channel locks when a librarian with moxie and epoxy can get-ter done! ?

Disclaimer: This post was written for humorous purposes only. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so innocent.

And after the Librarian to the Rescue With Moxie and Epoxy, etc.

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