Puzzled: A Memoir About Growing Up With OCD
by Pan Cooke
Illustrations by the author
Rocky Pond Books
An imprint of Penguin Random House, LLC
2024
224 pages
ISBN: 9780593615621
Puzzled is an important book about growing up feeling different from other people. Pan is ten-years old when he begins to feel a little off kilter. His mind feels like a puzzle and he worries about "what if". What if he makes a scene in church? What if he blurts out curse words in class? Pieces of the puzzle float around his mind and are pictured in illustrations by the author as puzzle pieces.
He begins to think of all the dreadful things that could possibly happen and develops rituals to try to insure that they don't. Anxiety overwhelms him. The story follows Pan through puberty when things are always changing and GIRLS become a huge anxiety for Pan. What if he says something stupid? How is he supposed to act? Although these questions are common for most tweens and teens, Pan dwells in his anxiety-filled puzzle pieces. By age fourteen, Pan begins to have questions about his body and about food. Food becomes a terrible puzzle. While other students eat tons of french fries and candy, Pan is disgusted (yet jealous) to see they seem to have no problems with fatty, over-processed junk food.
The author dispels popular myths about OCD, including being neat and tidy and a stickler for organization. Those things are not OCD. Overthinking and anxious thoughts are as is creating rituals to try to manage these thoughts.
Pan seeks help once he realizes there might be a doctor who can help.
The Afterword by Cooke is hopeful and honest. He's now an adult and a WRITER! He still has OCD, but he knows how to use tools to help himself. OCD can vary greatly from person to person. There is not one simple symptom to look for. Most people go eleven years or longer before they are diagnosed for the condition.
The graphic nature of this book make it easily accessible even for the most reluctant reader. Colorful, understated art appears fun and happy, the opposite of most of Pan's thoughts and interactions with others.
Recommended ages 10-up. Middle grade readers will be drawn to Puzzled.
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